Family caregivers must be prepared to make a difficult decision or adjustment almost every day. When you bring a family member into your own home, there will be constant changes to deal with. Other family members, work schedules, and individual nutritional needs often complicate matters.
We had my mother in our home for eight years; the first four were easier than the last. At first, Mom could take care of herself with little help. He could manage his meals (if they were prepared ahead of time) and go to bed and get up whenever he wanted. I wasn’t worried about him falling out of bed.
The mother had congestive heart failure and was later diagnosed with dementia. Life in our home seemed to change rapidly as his physical and mental health deteriorated. Most of her time was spent sitting in her comfortable chair. A home health aide helped her with her personal care a few hours a week.
My concerns about needing more medical equipment and my mother’s safety were verified when I was awakened by a thud in the middle of the night. When I hurried into her room, I found Mom on the floor with her pillow and bed covers.
I tried to smile when I asked calmly, “Mom, what are you doing down there?”
She kept looking at me as I untangled the covers and went through it. Finding out that he hadn’t been injured, I had to determine what to do next.
She responded with a big smile and lots of girlish giggles when I asked her, “Are you having a sleepover?”
“Can I join you? We can sleep on the floor. I would like that.”
Her huge smile and a childish gleam in her blue eyes let me know with certainty that she would be fine where she was for the moment. There was no need to wake everyone in the house. She was definitely not going anywhere alone.
With no one available to help me until morning, I rolled her onto some warm blankets, propped her up on her head, and snuggled up next to her for the night. This was the beginning of another adjustment in the changing life of a caregiver.
Now it was time to move a hospital bed into our house and I was emotionally not ready to lock her in bed. The clang of those cold bars as they clicked into place and his disapproving look cut deeply. It didn’t seem right to lock up my own mother!
“Oh mommy, you will really like this new bed of yours.” Pointing to the railings, I continued, “Look at this! You even have blankets to keep your blankets on the bed to keep you warm all night.”
It was important that I didn’t show any frustration in my expressions as I continued, “And you have a new mattress, aren’t you just something now?”
For my mother in her situation, those silly little conversations helped us survive the constant changes without much stress. Mother had become a girl very similar to the one living at the present time. It seemed to reflect the atmosphere around her. Did I need to laugh or sleep on the floor? Not! I wanted to share my frustrations with someone. I wanted to cry and complain because I had no help.
Your circumstances may be very different from mine. However, the reality is the same in any given situation: our attitude and approach to unexpected events greatly influence how others will react. Regardless of the age of the people involved, a smile and a kind word will generally make tough decisions easier to handle.
My prayer is that this article will help you face your daily trials with ease and confidence. I can promise one thing: “My God will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory.” In some way, He always gave me the strength and wisdom I needed to get ahead. I hope you trust Him for help and comfort.