Online dating scares some people who are shy or new to the dating scene after a long time away from it. And finally, there comes a time when online communication is not enough, and the other person (or you) wants to meet offline. You want everything to run smoothly, but there are a few things you can do to ensure safety, a good time, and a positive experience.
How soon should you meet offline?
Everyone will have a different comfort level when it comes to going from online chat or email to an in-person date. And the man or woman you’re communicating with could be moving faster or slower than you want.
You’ll have to be patient with this (and make sure they’re patient with you) because pushing someone into a meeting is never good. It will probably end badly.
Some people will find a partner and immediately want to meet up for a light, casual date to talk in person and see if there is a connection there.
Others will want to develop a deep connection before planning to meet in person. Have you ever seen the movie “You’ve Got Mail” with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan?
They were chatting online and prolonging meeting in person until substantial feelings were involved. And this can also happen to you.
Some people (especially those new to online dating) may think it’s impossible to develop true feelings for someone you’ve never met. But many people start sharing things and forming a strong bond with each other only through text messages and possibly phone conversations.
Do you want to meet quickly (sort of like ripping off a Band-Aid) or give yourself time to see if an in-person meeting will pay off?
Be honest with the person you are communicating with. Don’t ridicule them if they are shy to meet up. At the same time, try to analyze the situation to see if maybe you are being cheated on (maybe someone is married and just playing online with no intention of looking for a romantic relationship).
When the time comes when you feel good about initiating communication in person, just ask casually, like this:
“Hey, it would be great if we could meet up sometimes offline. Are you okay with that or would you rather take a little more time?”
Don’t start demanding things like, “I MUST meet you in person by the end of the week; I can’t STAND being away from you any longer.”
This can be creepy and startling to the other person.
Safety is your #1 priority – for men and women!
When you decide to meet offsite, never, ever have the person come to your house to meet you.
Now, men may be reading this and laughing, but don’t discount the fact that there are women in the world who will drug your drink and steal your possessions.
So meet in a public place, like a restaurant or a high-traffic public park or other destination. It’s not just your address that you don’t want to give out, either. Don’t meet them at their house, even if their first date idea involves cooking for you.
Make sure someone knows where you are going and who you are meeting (from which online dating site). You may want to write a note next to your computer so that if something were to happen, the police know where to look.
Never get drunk during your first date with the person you are going to meet. Watch your drink, don’t leave it to go to the bathroom. If you do, ask the bartender to get you a new one.
Also take your purse or wallet with you if you go anywhere so your date can’t look up the address on your driver’s license or take things from you without you knowing.
After the date, don’t let them drive you home, even if it went well. You still don’t know this person well enough to show him your home address, so he hails a cab or drives yourself and make sure they don’t follow you.
Some of this advice may seem a bit paranoid, but it’s better to be overly cautious than take a chance. People on the dating site know you’re single, and you don’t want to hang yourself as bait if there turns out to be a smart shark in the dating waters, right?
The most important thing is to trust your intuition. If you feel bad for this person, end the date right then and there. Do not prolong it and wait to see if something happens.
Perfect ideas for the first date
The first date is going to depend on the two of you to a great extent. There’s no one size fits all.” There are some common places you can choose for a first date, but there are also some special first date ideas that might suit your style even more!
If you want to meet up for a speed date, try your local coffee shop. Some people like to meet up for a Frappachino and have a little discussion over iced coffee before moving on to a date that lasts longer than 30 minutes.
You may even want to see if your local Barnes and Noble has a Starbucks so you can meet up to find a new book and have something to talk about on your date, too!
If you’re already set on a romantic date, then go all out with a romantic meal at a restaurant. Italian restaurants usually have a nice atmosphere.
If you want to keep conversation to a minimum, try going to a movie together! This way, you’ll meet up and chat for a bit before it starts, and then you can chat for a bit when it’s over (maybe even go for ice cream afterwards if you want to keep the conversation going).
If you’re both outdoorsy, meet up at a local outdoor activity, like a public park or nature center. See if your area has a botanical garden for a beautiful setting.
If the arts are an important part of their lives, check out the museum’s exhibits. Or grab a free magazine, usually found at the entrance of your grocery store, to see what music activities are happening that week.
If you both have dogs, find out if there is a dog park in your area. If not, just plan to take your pets to a park and meet up. Make sure you feel safe having your dog around his dog, if either of them is an aggressive animal.
If you each have friends who know about the meeting, why not suggest a double date? Or even a platonic group setting? You don’t want too many people who can start having fun with your situation. Just one wingman each would do the trick if anxiety levels are high.
If you’re both daredevils, see if you can schedule something awesome, like a hot air balloon ride, rock climbing, or even jumping out of a plane!
Break the ice when the conversation stops
Now, sometimes there can be a downside to waiting too long to meet your online dating partner in person. If you keep up the chat and phone conversation for too many weeks or months, you’ll end up with little to say in person when you finally go on that first date.
Some of the dates will automatically inspire conversation. For example, if you go to a museum together, you can provide feedback on the exhibits you are seeing.
Make sure you don’t make the whole conversation about you. You show someone you care by asking about them too. But don’t take it personally if they don’t extend the same courtesy.
Some people are so nervous on the first date that they blurt out things without thinking.
You can ask questions about the other person, for example, their favorite things. But don’t get too intimate and ask something embarrassing or something you want to keep private.
This may be a time when you’re evaluating a future together, but you don’t want to grill them with questions like “How many kids do you want? What kind of money do you make? Do you want to meet my parents?”
It’s okay to be nervous (and admit it), but just try to take a deep breath and maintain that happy balance between being too shy and reserved and too hyperactive and demanding.
Finish the first date and decide if there will be a second
Ending a first date should never be decided ahead of time. You never want to say you have to be home by 10 because that prevents you from leaving at 9 if you want to.
Don’t have a friend text you an emergency or tell you they’re going to the bathroom, only to disappear. Be a respectful adult about it and politely say something like, “I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel like maybe we should go ahead and say goodbye tonight because it looks like we’re not much of a game.”
When you meet your online dating contacts, some will be absolutely fantastic matches, some will be nightmares, and some in between. You’ll have an easy time deciding on the horror stories, but if the date went “okay,” you’ll have to decide if another one should be on the horizon.
You might want to give it one more try if you feel like there might be something there. First dates are scoffed at because they are often awkward, so a second try might prove more fruitful.
On the other hand, if there is no spark and you feel like it doesn’t make sense, don’t drag it out and make them suffer.
Online dating is a wonderful thing that connects people from all over the world with like-minded people. Like offline dating, you have to try new things and get out of your comfort zone, but initially it puts up a barrier of protection for you that the offline world can’t provide and allows you to screen a potential match based on to more than aspect!