Every stress-filled job needs a little injection of humor to lighten the load of the workday. With extended deadlines, missed quotas, mistakes made, a boss not satisfied with his performance, co-workers complaining, and backstabbing … some days the workplace can seem like nothing more than a huge self-esteem sucking machine. Since the innate desire to yell and punch will not be acceptable, try taking two jokes and laughing to move on to the next part of the day.
1. We should have known that the patient was going to be mean and moody, he had different colored eyes; two of them were blue.
2. The patient began to calm down after being in the hospital for a week, we know this because he finally started to wave at the nurses with all five fingers.
3. The doctor put Sally on a diet, she is trying to lose her original weight of six pounds and seven ounces.
4. You know you’ve had a rough day at work when you come home and try to open the front door of your house with the clicker of your car.
5. The stress level has gotten out of hand when at lunchtime you find yourself standing in front of the microwave yelling, “Hurry up!”
6. You know that you will be working more than 40 hours a week when your first day of work you get a badge, a laptop, a cell phone and a sleeping bag.
7. The barista at the company cafeteria is getting too aggressive. First, his tip bottle said, “Thanks, a latte,” then it said, “Feeling drunk?” now he has a big sign that says, ‘Don’t make me put a bug in your drink!’
8. My friends think I am pretty and smart … so, of course, they are my friends.
9. What is a cow without legs called? Ground beef
10. Why don’t cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste weird.
11. There should be more precise names for deodorants. Why don’t they have names like Pitt Stop, No Sweat, or the deodorant that’s so effective you don’t even know it’s there, vice president?
12. They should change the name of Starbucks to Steal-bucks.
13. I have a frog in my throat; it tastes like chicken.
14. Q: What did the cow call her calf? A: Patty
15. Q: How much did the calf of the cow weigh when it was born? A: a quarter pound