It is rare that I am given the opportunity to bring such a moving and articulate story to my readers like this. Carol has given me permission to quote or use her story as I see fit.
While not everyone has the same result from spanking as Carol, there are millions of people who are too ashamed and humiliated to tell their story or who believe as many people do that “she didn’t hurt me so I can’t do her any harm.” hurt my son.” Unlike Carol, they do not link the cause and effect of her emotional dysfunction and physical illnesses to her “Love Spanking”. Read Carol’s story in its entirety, because the first-person truth is better than the findings of any investigation by a clinical double. blind study or case study.
Non-abusive “love spanking” ruined me for life
When I was a child and my mother thought I needed discipline, she would throw me face down on her lap and give me a series of stinging slaps with her hand on my bare bottom while I cried. In fifteen seconds it was over. She would be crying and clutching my butt for a minute or so, but she didn’t really hurt much after that, just a hot itch. My rear end would be a solid pink right after. But in a few hours it would be back to normal. And that was that.
I wasn’t “abused” as a child, just “love spanked.” She never left a bruise when she “love-hit” me. The permanent markings were inside, not outside.
The mother was a firm believer in spanking as a discipline for her children because it “worked” so well. All she had to do if she disliked my behavior was say, “Carol, do you want a spanking?” and that would scare me into obeying her. And if she told me to wash the dishes and I didn’t do them very well and I got spanked for it, you can bet those dishes were unusually spotless for the next few days. But the spanking also left me with lifelong emotional and sexual problems that I still don’t know how to fix despite years of therapy. My mother had a dutiful daughter and cleaner dishes and I had a lifelong mess inside of me.
If she were growing up today, mom might post on parenting web forums about how “effective” spanking is as a discipline for her daughters. She might brush aside concerns about emotional damage by saying, “An hour after I spank her, Carol is happy playing or doing her chores.” I could talk about my good grades at school. She could talk about how polite I am and how respectful I am to my elders, and how she gets compliments from other adults about what a good girl I am in public. And if someone tried to warn her that she might give her child a fetish, she might laugh and say, “Carol would never turn out like that. She hates being spanked!” And nothing she said would be a lie.
I tried so hard to be good. But sooner or later I always found myself face down in my mother’s lap taking another beating. I just couldn’t control it, except in my fantasies. In fantasy I could make everything happen like this, as if it were really under my control. My mother’s preferred method of discipline upset me so emotionally that I sexualized it, everything about it: the kind of clothes she wore and I wore, the things she said before and after my spanking, the position I put myself in, and again. . Fantasy allowed me to cope with my trauma and gain a feigned sense of control over something that was truly out of my control. When I pictured myself as a naughty girl on her mommy’s lap getting spanked on her bare little bottom, I pictured myself crying and begging mommy to stop. It was my fantasy though, so I was really in full control. And by eroticizing, I turned something horrible and terrifying into something charming and pleasurable.
And it worked. Becoming a spankophile at a young age kept me from falling apart. He comforted me when nothing else could. It made me feel like I was in control when I wasn’t. And it gave me a fictional escape from something for which there was no real escape. (How do you run away when your own mom is hurting you?) And now I’m stuck with it for the rest of my life.
Parents who say, “He didn’t do me any harm, so he can’t do my child any harm” just don’t get it. Everyone is different. My mother was spanked when she was little and she followed the same tradition with my sister and me. But my mother did not become a spanker. And although my sister received the same type of punishments that I did, in the same lap and from the same hand, she did not become a spanker either. But I did it. There is no way of knowing in advance which of her whipped sons will have a guilty sexual fixation for the rest of her life. So any father who spanks his son is putting him at risk. Punishing your child with spanking is like playing a lottery where if he “wins” you ruin your child for life.
Most spanked children are not as obsessed as I am. But some of us do. And we are not weird. Growing up, I knew two other girls who were spanked by their parents and they both loved to play House the same way I did: play spanking, play spanking, and play spanking all afternoon without ever getting bored. . (At least two of us were strict about disciplining our dolls, too!) One girl even had me pretend that she was her mother in real life so we could recreate actual episodes of her being disciplined for in the real world. house of her For me, meeting two others like me in this way would be almost impossible if kids like me were weird.
I am now retired, single, childless, taking medication for depression. At a tender age I used my budding sexuality to cope with something I didn’t know how to cope with any other way. And it has left its mark on me forever. I have been paying the price all my life and I will never stop paying. I am not married because the circuits in my brain that should have been used for romance were shattered by spanking instead. I am children because I never married. Therefore, there is a direct link between my spanking, how I dealt with it, and being sexually abnormal and therefore never marrying or having children of my own.
Not all damage is sexual in nature. A pattern of “it made me who I am today” arises whenever someone unexpectedly confronts me with anger about something I did. I have a bad habit of saying the first rationalization that comes to mind, sometimes even lying. It just escapes me. And I don’t know how to change. It goes back so far. It’s a habit I picked up as a preschooler that sometimes saved me from bottom heating. Usually it didn’t, but something that works only occasionally is better than nothing at all.
Another negative effect of my life spanking is that when someone orders me to do something in a stern, commanding voice, I usually give in and do it even if I don’t feel good about what I’m doing. It just happens, seemingly by itself. And it all goes back to my early years. Growing up in my “traditional values” family, kids did as they were told and didn’t respond. If you did, mom would roll you over onto her knee, she would pull your panties down and “teach you a lesson” right then and there. I sure learned my lessons! The problem is, how do you unlearn that lesson as an adult in the world that has to defend itself? I just hate myself now every time I realize I once again let myself be someone’s doormat.
Kids today shouldn’t have to go through what I went through. We know more now. We now have websites like nospank.net where someone like me can tell what happened to him without sacrificing his privacy. My mother regretted spanking me once she finally told her about my fetish as an adult. She at least has the excuse that no one told her how bad the side effects could be. Parents reading this website no longer have that excuse. No child should have to sacrifice their developing sexual selves just to face the painful violence of a parent who claims to love them.
Spanking children is harmful, painful, violent and must stop. Parents reading this: please do not use physical pain to discipline your children. ### Christmas carol