The first time I saw Anita Renfroe’s “Momsense” video, I laughed. The second time, I cried.
Giving birth is challenging, but being a mom is an art and a science. It requires incredible grace under pressure, skill, and the ability to let much of life’s stress roll off your back, because we’re “on duty” 24 hours a day.
Does the child wake up screaming in the middle of the night? Mom is up and on them.
Child gets sick at school? Mom to the rescue.
Stuck in the middle of nowhere? Mom calls it “Triple A”, or changes it herself.
Now, I’m not saying that dads aren’t responsible people. They are. But when mom and dad are BOTH sick, who takes care of the kids?
Yes, that would be mom.
And who runs the business, carries the pearls, mops the floors, cooks dinner, does the laundry, and takes care of the house?
Good old mom.
Okay, I admit, my husband does laundry at my house, but you get the idea that I’m driving here. I won’t take anything from dad. Dad works hard, but because Anita Renfroe puts it so meticulously in her video, we do (and say) a lot of things for our family. Some good, some less than wonderful, but we are active in the lives of our loved ones. We are taking care of them, we are taking care of them.
Who is taking care of us?
When we take care of the store, the children, the husband, the home, what are we doing to take care of ourselves?
Personal care is a growing concern among working mothers. One look at the Wikipedia entry on work-life balance leads me to believe that self-care is even MORE important to mom entrepreneurs. With many of us building our empires with kids at home, we’re dodging the “guilt” bullet by keeping our kids out of daycare, but we’re even more exhausted trying to “do it all.” No wonder Renfroe chose the William Tell Overture to quickly share all the “isms” we moms cook up on a daily basis. We are so tight we probably DO talk that fast!
Here are some tips to incorporate into your day to give yourself mini doses of self-care:
- Breathe. Waiting in a long line? Take a few deep, relaxing breaths. Use that time to decompress. As others around you grow impatient, consider this time an opportunity to practice gratitude, patience, and bring a little solitude into your day. When I find myself stuck at a train crossing, I take it as a sign that I need to slow down and refocus. So I do. Taking a deep breath, relaxing your shoulders and maybe even closing your eyes for a minute. Sometimes my children play, then everyone is more relaxed!
- Clarify. Be clear about what is really important. This can be daily or weekly. Take some time to examine your priorities and focus on what is most important. Realize that if you are like me, you will always find SOMETHING that needs to be done, and that most days not everything on that list will be accomplished. Instead, focus on what I call the big rocks, the things to do, that will move your life and your business forward through the day.
- Make personal care a priority. Schedule it like any other business appointment. Don’t tell people you’re scheduling self-care (you might feel guilty). Tell people you have a conflicting appointment that you can’t possibly reschedule. The first few times, you may feel a pang of guilt. Once you get used to “putting on your own oxygen mask first,” you’ll quickly discover just how important it really is to take the time to care for your own needs.
- Assuage guilt with selfless rewards. For those moms who really struggle to do anything for themselves (including necessary doctor visits, you know who they are), commit to a selfless reward for taking care of yourself. You might choose to take the kids out for ice cream after your chiropractor visit, or give your girlfriend a special thank-you gift for babysitting while you take a break from the day. The act of doing something for someone else usually helps dispel any guilt associated with taking care of yourself, because you’ll actually be doing something nice for someone else too!
- Search ‘joy runners’. It could be a favorite song on your mp3 player or a poem you loved as a child. Maybe it’s an image or a memory that brings some joy to your day. Strategically place these “joy runners” around your space. Like a memory runner, these little reminders give you a little moment of joy every time you find them. Sprinkle them liberally around your home, car, and work space, so no space is considered stagnant. Even if that means carrying it in a pocket or purse and taking it out periodically to enjoy it. Joy joggers have ways of micro personal care.
It’s been a long time since moms began to be mothers from time to time. Whether it’s a joyful jog, a break, or a doctor’s appointment, be sure to take the time to care for your own needs, as well as all the other needs of your loved ones. The life you save could be your own!
Copyright 2010, Lisa Robbin Young