One of the most common pieces of advice you’ll hear about getting back together with someone you love is to take a step back and not contact your ex right away after a breakup. That advice can be frustrating because it’s extremely counterintuitive to your emotions.
Right after a breakup, there’s a lot of emotional energy that needs a place to go, and usually the first place people feel like directing that energy is channeling it into desperately trying to “fix” things with their ex.
However, there is a very good reason to channel this energy elsewhere.
Nothing productive is likely to happen in a “breakup” state of mind because your ex could be quite closed off, hurt, involved in another relationship, or trying to deal with his own emotions in some way.
For most people to get back together, it takes a process to re-ignite some of that initial spark you experienced when you first got together or were both in a happier state of mind with each other.
You can think of it as an attempt to return to the “seduction” stage of your relationship.
Usually, your ex will be more open to it when he feels like you’ve moved on and you’re not desperately trying to win him back. Desperation is not attractive, and ultimately he wants to draw them back, not try to drag them reluctantly into the relationship.
So part of seducing your partner is putting yourself more into a dating mode, rather than a fixup state of mind. You are trying to attract them the way you might have when you first met.
A key factor in being able to do that is working to regain your confidence, but at first it’s important not to appear desperate by doing things like drunk dialing or becoming a texting maniac just to try to get his attention.