I wake up from a fitful night’s sleep, happy that it’s time to get up and start my day. While I’m still half awake, I go into my dreams to see if there’s anything important there, but the dreamscape is silent. The last few nights I’ve been working on my dreams a lot, getting shocks of unconditional love, so I guess it’s okay to have a dreamless night! Still, I feel a little disappointed because I have nothing to reflect on.
Some mornings I slip right into meditation in my comfortable bed, but this morning I remember that my guides have been telling me to meditate outdoors, to get more deeply in touch with nature. I go out into the pomegranate tree and get on the yoga mat with my blanket and drop down. It feels good to hear the birds chirping, and I listen to the hummingbirds chasing each other and drinking their morning nectar for a moment before starting my solo practice hour.
I start with Breath of Fire, waking up and feeding my inner fire with short, sharp breaths. As I do the practice, I wake up and begin to feel the life force flowing through my body, opening the same channels that sexual energy flows through. I start to feel hot and remove the blanket. As I continue to breathe, a smile begins to appear on my face and happiness fills my stomach. Ahhhhh. I feel a deep inner stillness in the center of my belly, surrounded by a soft warm flame. I feel good.
After the breath of fire, I work with my chakras, breathing into each one and clearing them. Ahhh, this also feels good, like taking my morning shower. my physical and emotional body begins to feel clear, clean and open. I give thanks then, gratitude for everything that the day before gave me joy. And I spend a few more minutes sitting still, listening to what the Spirit wants to say to me today. I’m also signing up to see what I need to know for my clients today. What will they need? I usually do a bit of testing on my body for one of the things they need the most, a guide for their healing session.
Now is the time for the day to unfold. I get dressed, shower and head to the temple. Once there, I prepare the space. This is one of my favorite parts of the day, beautifying the space, burning incense and sage, lighting candles, playing soft music. I’m ready to start.
My first client arrives and we work through some challenges that are developing in their relationships. She wants to learn to become more self-centered, find her power as a woman, and connect with her own sexual self. I spend an hour listening deeply to her, channeling information from my guides, and teaching her the practice. Today we work with movement, because she is ready to let go! We dance and breathe and learn to do a deep cleanse of each chakra center with breath and movement. She allows herself to move her body and lets out deep sounds of anger that she didn’t even know were stored inside of her. Afterward she feels energized and relieved. I send her home with some music to use in her daily practice.
Now is the time to take care of business, and I focus on the day-to-day while answering emails, answering phone calls, editing the website, and many other mundane tasks. It helps me balance spending this time, and instead of feeling resentful about it, I’m grateful for the variety in my day.
I take a good long break at lunch to take care of my body, because for me a big part of tantra practice is taking care of myself. Today I go to yoga class and eat nutritious food to replenish myself in the afternoon and evening.
Now the day changes and becomes more intense. I have a red session today: deep and powerful practical work. I will use my (and my client’s) sexual/life force energy to open up, to heal old shame and guilt, to allow more freedom and ecstasy in sexual connection. This work often follows for my clients after an intensive study of the breath. and practice of meditation and movement.
I take an hour to prepare the room, lighting candles and incense. I put sheets on the bed and call on my animal guide allies to hold the space. When I call Black Jaguar, I hear and feel a strong purr, and I know it will be a delicious and powerful session, that there will be deep pleasure and opening.
Once my client arrives, we spend 3 hours experimenting with the tantric touch. I start by listening to him share how the work has come together since our last session, a lingam massage. He is excited to learn how to move sexual energy through his entire body and start having full body orgasms in his own pleasure practice. Grounded in himself, today he is eager to learn more about sharing this broader sexual/heart/spirit energy with a woman.
We begin with meditation, imagining that we are trees, rooted in the Earth and branching out into the stars and the sun. Once we feel strong and loved by the Divine, we begin to intentionally connect, bringing our roots together and weaving our branches together like trees do in the forest. We see vines growing from our hearts, connecting and intertwining with love beginning to flow back and forth. As we undress we flow into touch and breath and how to work them together, stay present and bring diversity to the ways we connect and touch. I show her how to create safety with the touch of the Earth, letting myself be carried away by the feeling that she gives it to me. Feel the joy of being fully received by a woman as a man.
We move into the water, the total loving touch, then the fire, the deep sexual passion, and out into the air, tingling and vibrating with all this blissful energy. We keep experimenting as he finds a way to give something as wonderful as to receive. Time seems to dissolve as we both push the envelope of the happiness barrier, searching for the place where we can allow ourselves to be greater and finding the obstacles that prevent us from receiving pleasure. We feel pleasure deep in our bodies, and I still hear the voice of Spirit speaking softly and quietly to me, helping me track its energy and its needs in the moment, helping me be its guide on this blissful ecstatic journey.
My guide allows me to have space for him and give him all the unconditional love in my heart. In the light of that unconditional love, he melts and his heart opens into blazing fire, aligned with his body, his lingam, and his Spirit. He tells me that he feels like an eagle, flying over the earth and seeing all of his life and all of his relationships in perspective for the first time.
We come down to earth at the end with berries, chocolate, cheese, and cookies, and enjoy what feels like the afterglow of sex, even though we haven’t actually made love. I feel how big my energy body feels and see how much his face and eyes have changed since he walked in. He tells me how profoundly the session has changed her perception, and she promises to call in a week to share how he’s fitting into her life.
I say goodbye to my client and return to thinking about my personal care. I’ve learned that this job requires a lot of that! I shower to ground myself, wise to bless the space and the work. I go for a walk, like. I give thanks for the beauty and healing power of this work and notice how connected I feel to the trees and birds in the park. Life is good and my heart is full of love and joy.