Sometimes I hear of women who have been unfaithful to someone who is married. Sometimes they truly believed that, in due course, the man’s marriage would come to a natural and mutual end so that the two of them could be together. They wanted to believe that the marriage had become obsolete so that both people mutually agreed to end the marriage. Once this happens, that would free up the husband to pursue a new relationship.
As we all know, this is not usually the way it happens. Usually, the wife finds out about the affair and the marriage does not end simply because both parties mutually agree to it in a healthy way. The wife is usually hurt and angry and, believe it or not, the husband usually panics and immediately goes after his wife, suddenly afraid of losing her family.
This can understandably leave the other woman confused. This is not how she was presented with things. And where is she in all this? You can see how she would feel left out and unsure how to proceed. She might say, “I feel stupid admitting that I honestly thought I would live happily ever after with the man she was dating. I knew he was married, but she introduced him to me like she was trying to untangle herself.” that. Still, he was always careful that his wife didn’t find out about her. But she did. And she surprised me when she immediately told me that she couldn’t see me anymore and she begged me not to make this more difficult than it already was. Me “I am so shocked by this. And I feel left out and hurt. Now this man and his wife are fighting to save their family, but what about me? I feel like I need to do something. I feel like I was left out in the cold of it all this. I’m tempted to try to contact his wife and plead my case. I want her to know that the husband told me their marriage is over. I want her to have all the information so she doesn’t think her husband is loyal to her. And I want to see the other man and plead my case too. After all we’ve been through, it’s upsetting that he just leaves. What should I do right now?”
Honestly, I’m not sure you’re going to like my answer, but it’s honest and it’s what I sincerely feel and believe. I’ll admit I’ve been the wife in this situation, but I’ve had friends in your situation and I hear from many on the other side of the equation. I can tell you that statistically, husband and wife usually end up together. It can take a while. And there can definitely be some uncertainty, but the statistics show us that the husband is much more likely to return to his wife than to have a long-term relationship with the other person. You can see for yourself, but that’s what the statistics show. That is why I do not recommend that you approach any of them. It’s only going to hurt, upset and frustrate everyone involved and there’s a good chance it won’t affect the outcome in the long run. You will only be causing yourself, husband and wife pain.
I know that a big driving force for you right now is that you feel left out and ignored. One of the reasons for this is that it feels like your course of action was set by someone else. Since the husband and wife have the marriage, they can decide how to proceed, which can seem very unfair. So how do you regain a sense of control? By gracefully withdrawing from this trio and concentrating on yourself, your own well-being, and your own happiness. Take back control of your own life. Ask yourself why you would be vulnerable to settling for a man who couldn’t just be yours. Fix your self esteem and then promise to give your heart only to men who are free to return your love and be only yours. All women deserve no less. I know this might not be what you wanted to hear, but I think it’s the healthier option. It puts you in control of your life, it really is the right thing for everyone involved, and it doesn’t force you to go against the odds. Trying to hurt others usually ends up hurting you. There is more than enough pain to go around right now, so you can never go wrong by focusing on your own healing.