I’m sure you would announce to the whole world that your parents are fine. Your childhood was normal and happy in your life. But this is something opposite. That is why you are here, and you are reading my point of view on this matter.
You still want to go back to your state of denial that you have a “normal healthy family.” But there is a little red light in your mind that whispers something else.
Domestic abuse means hopelessness.
As parents try to raise their children, they cover up their fundamental problems. It prevents them from doing it or at least in a normal, healthy way and without many problems.
In other words, your intentions are optimistic at first. There is a problem when you hold onto your emotional trauma for too long. Then you are full of limitations, helplessness, pain and anger.
Therefore, this state of mind cannot remain for a long time without any explosion. So life is troublesome in many ways. One day those unhappy parents decide to have children. What they do to cover their emptiness, it is a matter of time before the real drama and the problem begin to happen.
Children are innocent and sensitive from the start. What bothers parents, children accept as their problem. Parents can overwhelm them with their beliefs and negativity from the start.
The abuse begins when the children are the main trigger for the parents’ unresolved problem. Children can remember their past family drama. What we do not like in others is a mirror of our characteristics that we do not like.
Let’s be honest: raising children is hard work. It requires patience, a high level of empathy and respect for their lives. A parent may deal with anxiety, depression, or substance overdose. He transforms them into abusers in a matter of time.
There is yelling, control, punishment, harassment or even inappropriate behavior such as sexual abuse. These are one of the few problems that children face.
The ridiculous thing is that everything happens on a deep unconscious level. It’s like a hypnotic trance, not really understanding what’s going on. It is like possession by an entity and the inability to control the mind and behavior.
Those people don’t want to improve their parenting skills and personality to fail. They did nothing but destroy the lives of their children.
As an adult, you may feel like something was wrong in the past. You mislead the idea that everything was fine. When you finally realize the truth, the shock is overwhelming.
Did my parents abuse me? Nope! They are such good people. He is my father and my mother, and I must love my family.
This shock is confusing what to believe. You still had good times with your parents. There are happy memories and some bad ones.
When constant abuse occurred, it was all mixed with something positive. It is the cycle of violence. One week the abuser is nasty and hurtful, but the other week he’s charming and trying to show you so-called “love.”
This cycle can happen over and over again. Confuse small children. They don’t see the difference between love and pain at this point, so they accept violence.
The first good step in overcoming your past problems is acknowledging that your parents are not okay. This shock is paralyzing, freezing and terrifying. But it is crucial to understanding his abusive past.
Then you can be free, resilient and independent to create the life you always wanted to have.