I had covered this topic briefly in a previous post on the Health Central Network. This topic concerns me and that is why I felt it needed to be dealt with in more depth. On this website and others, I have read about parents and babysitters changing diapers for older children with bedwetting problems. Some of these children are 9 years old or older. As we all know, bedwetting can be very stressful, and in my opinion, this stress can be exacerbated by parents not allowing their children to put on their own protection. I am by no means an expert in child care, but my intuition tells me that from the age of 3 or 4, a child should be taught to put on diapers.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I had a friend who had to take care of a 6 year old. He told me that he had to change the boy’s diaper before he went to bed. Due to his age, I assumed he was potty trained and the reason he was wearing diapers was because of a bed wetting problem. She told me that he ran around the house naked and screaming and refused to let her put his diapers on him, which I can’t say because I blame him.
I believe that diapers to bed should be worn by an older child, teen or adolescent if all attempts to cure them have failed and if other clothing such as pull-ups and “Goodnites” do not offer adequate protection, but I also feel that the young should be responsible for putting on your own protection unless you have a cognitive and/or physical disability that makes it difficult or impossible for you to do so. Diapering an older child has the potential to drastically affect a child’s psychological health for years to come.
There are certain tasks that youth who do not have cognitive or physical disabilities can do, such as tying their shoes, getting dressed, etc. In my opinion, changing diapers would also fit into this category.
If the parents are concerned that the child cannot fasten the diapers correctly and the diapers will leak, the parents can show the child how to fasten the diapers correctly. One way to do this is to place the diaper on the bed, have the child sit on the diaper, and tell him how to fold and fasten the diapers correctly. I would do this when the child is young because the older the child, the more embarrassed he or she will feel. This is a very sensitive area for children. Many children who wet the bed feel self-conscious and embarrassed about wearing diapers to bed (although, as I’ve pointed out many times, they shouldn’t be), and having their parents change their diapers will make them feel even more self-conscious and ashamed. In addition, bedwetting makes many children feel helpless, and when parents change their nappies, it reinforces the feeling of helplessness. That is why children should be taught to be independent in this area as early as possible.
When it comes to diapers with pins, some parents fear that the child could stick with the pins. This is certainly a valid concern, but if proper precautions are taken, it shouldn’t be a problem. I was talking to someone from customer service at a company that sells cloth diapers with snaps and plastic pants for older children and adults with bedwetting problems to get her to take care of the situation and she told me that at age From 7 years old or less parents may need to fasten the diapers, from 7 years old it will depend on the development of the child. I believe that the same steps that are taken with disposable diapers can also be taken with snap-on diapers. Again, parents should place the diapers on the bed, have the child sit in them, and teach them the correct way to fasten them. I cannot stress this enough: children must be taught at an early age how to be independent in this area.
Another idea I have for teaching young people how to be self-sufficient in this area is the following. I don’t know how feasible this idea is and I admit it’s somewhat unusual, but as the saying goes, in many situations it’s good to think outside the box. Many community colleges use mannequins to demonstrate certain medical techniques to nursing students. Parents could talk to the head of the nursing department at their local community college and see if they can borrow a pacifier and then use it to teach the child the correct way to fasten diapers. If the head of the nursing department asks why she wants to borrow the pacifier, she can explain that she has a child who is in diapers because of a bedwetting problem and wants to use the pacifier to teach him how to fasten diapers correctly. If she can’t borrow the doll, he can ask if they have any suggestions on what to do in this situation. I suspect buying something like this from a medical supply store would be expensive, so the community college nurse might have ideas for alternative approaches to the situation. Also, she may want to call her local hospital/medical supply store and see if they have any ideas. on how to deal with this matter. As I mentioned earlier, this is a very delicate situation that has the potential to cause irreparable psychological damage to a child.
I wonder if some parents diaper their older children because on some level they may lose the closeness of the parent-child relationship and this is a way to recreate this. Some parents, either consciously or unconsciously, want to keep their child at a certain level of development because the parents don’t want to let go emotionally. It should be emphasized that this is just speculation, and I’m not saying this is necessarily the case with all parents diapering their older children, but the fact that this could be a factor with some people should be considered and whether this is the case case should be addressed with a mental health professional to avoid causing emotional harm to the child.
I hope people understand that this article is not meant to be a critique of anyone’s parenting skills. Her goal is to help people realize that children are very sensitive about these kinds of issues. Children need their privacy and independence in these areas and not respecting this makes them feel unworthy. I hope this helps people see this problem in a new light. As always, I feel that dialogue on these matters is very important and I welcome any constructive thoughts on this matter…